I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I've been examining where in my life lizard brain shows up. A few months back I was having a conversation with my friend John. In that conversation I remember saying “sometimes I feel more comfortable on stage than having a one-on-one conversation”. We laughed about it, but there was some truth to what had been said.
Minus a little nervousness at first I'm very comfortable on stage. I feel that I connect easily with the audience, and feed off their energy. I can explain ideas, improvise, think creatively, and engage. However, in a small group setting, unless I am leading, I am unlikely to say much at all. Even if what I have to say is useful and relevant. It's just easier to offer the occasional quick witted and sarcastic comment.
After reflecting I believe this has to do with the fear of rejection. Real conversation means relationship. Relationships mean vulnerability, and I am not good at being vulnerable. It sends me hurling into the lizard brain. Goodbye higher brain functions.
But I'm working on carving new pathways. A work in progress. I'm trying to live an intentional life, and part of that is learning the power that comes from being vulnerable. For me that begins with more deep personal conversations to help silence the lizard.
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